So, I was in Walmart earlier today at the pharmacy and I heard one of the women talking. I always think I hear this particular woman saying things – so this isn’t new. But what she was talking about like usual was super personal and weird. This girl has white hair, was the lead pharmacist, and is chubby.
She started talking about how my brother and I are making a game. How I’ve been driving trains all day. Which is true. I’ve been driving trains in my game all day. Then she mentioned everyone knows I’m not taking my medicine which isn’t true because I do take my medicine.
Then one of the other women said to her, “are they still watching him like that?” She replied yes. The other woman said, “isn’t there other people that are worth being watched?” The white-haired pharmacy lead said yes people like him – referring to me.
Then right as I started to write this, I heard my neighbor Wayne Lyle yell really loudly, “why is she still running her mouth!?”
To me it all sounds and seems very real. That I’m being watched in my house 24/7 using some wall penetrating radar. That all my electronics are bugged, and people are able to read and see everything that I do. Yet, no matter who I tell, complain to, or talk to about it they accuse me of being crazy and tell me I’m hearing things.
It makes me really hard to be me. I can’t act out on what I hear or think because it is going to be labeled crazy. I couldn’t even talk to my last therapist about it. As soon as I started telling him about getting burned in the eyes by this wall penetrating radar he went into a fit and started demanding that my medicine be increased. He said that talking wouldn’t do any good, went out into the hallway, and started talking to the front desk that I was in a psychosis and as far as I could tell alerted the police that I was out of my mind.
This was happening long before I went on disability. So it couldn’t be that being on it is causing it. I was enduring it long before then. This is why I ended up on disability because I kept being told I was crazy, and people started directing me toward psychiatric services.
It was happening at work, causing me to have fits of rage, get upset, and difficulty with interpersonal relationships. You know because for me it is real. It causes me to get very upset when I feel I’m being wronged all the time. It makes it difficult to function when I’m constantly burdened down with people talking about what I did in the privacy of my home all day.
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